Why Do I Keep Doing This? — Let’s Talk About Patterns, Baby

Chiiiile…
You ever catch yourself mid-meltdown thinking, “Wait… didn’t I just go through this?”
Same argument, different person. Same feeling, different scenario. Same internal chaos, different month.

Welcome to the land of patterns—those sneaky, recycled behaviors, beliefs, and reactions we drag around like emotional carry-on luggage. And the worst part? We don’t always realize we’re doing it until we’re knee-deep in déjà vu, wondering if life is glitching.

🌀 What Are Patterns (and Why Do They Keep Popping Up)?

Patterns are often unconscious habits—emotional, relational, or mental—built from past experiences. They get reinforced over time through repetition and reward (even if the “reward” is just familiar pain). Think of them as auto-pilot settings you didn’t even realize were turned on.

These can look like:

Attracting emotionally unavailable people over and over
Sabotaging good opportunities before they grow
Constantly feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough”
Always being the fixer or the peacekeeper in your relationships

And guess what? You’re not the only one. Most of us are walking mosaics of our upbringing, our wounds, and our conditioning—until we decide to become something else.

👀 How to Recognize Patterns in Yourself and Others

The signs are usually right in front of us—but they whisper, not shout.
Look for:

Repetition: Are you having the same emotional reaction to different situations?
Triggers: Do the same things keep sending you spiraling or shutting down?
Outcomes: Are you ending up in the same place emotionally, no matter how new the start feels?

When it comes to others, watch for patterns over promises.
Someone’s intentions sound good—but their patterns will tell the real story. Do they consistently disappear when things get real? Do they always play the victim? Are you the one doing all the repair work?

Patterns don’t lie. But they do linger—until confronted.

🔍 Self-Reflection Questions for Pattern Breaking

Take this to your journal, your therapist, or your mirror:

What recurring situations leave me feeling drained, small, or stuck?
Who in my life consistently brings out the worst version of me?
What am I getting out of repeating this pattern? (Be honest.)
Where did I first learn to respond this way—and from whom?
What would it feel like to choose differently, even if it feels unfamiliar?

💥 How Patterns Affect Friendships and Relationships

Unconscious patterns don’t just impact you—they shape how you show up with everyone around you. That “one friend” who always needs saving? That may feed your fixer complex. That partner who never communicates? That may echo a childhood dynamic you never got closure on.

When left unchecked, patterns can:

Create codependency
Foster resentment
Block intimacy
Recycle trauma through new people

Until you name it, you can’t change it.
And until you change it, it’ll follow you like a shadow with a grudge.

🔨 How to Dismantle Your Own Patterns (Without Losing Your Mind)

Here’s the unglamorous truth: dismantling patterns requires accountability, not just awareness. It’s more than realizing you “do too much” or “let people in too fast”—it’s committing to doing something different, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Here’s how to start:

Name it clearly: “This is the part of me that chooses chaos because it feels familiar.”
Pause before reacting: Give your body and mind space to choose a new response.
Practice the opposite: If you normally chase, try stepping back. If you normally shrink, try speaking up.
Let go of the outcome: You’re not here to win—you’re here to grow.

And be patient with yourself. Healing isn’t cute. It’s sweaty, awkward, repetitive work. But every time you choose a new pattern—even once—you create new wiring in your brain and new possibilities in your life.

💭 Final Thoughts

The truth is, your patterns aren’t your fault—but they are your responsibility.
Nobody else can untangle what you’ve internalized. But you? You have the power to choose differently. To disrupt the script. To say:

“Chiiiile, I may have done that, but I’m not doing it anymore.”

You are not your trauma.
You are not your habits.
You are not stuck—you’re just in rehearsal for your next becoming.

Now go journal. Go reflect. Go interrupt the loop.
I’ll see you tomorrow
We got more to unpack.

With grit, grace, and one raised eyebrow,
Coach G
@ProvokeChange | Chiiiile Please Blog

Chiiiile, Please!