Chiiiile, let’s go ahead and say it out loud — sometimes the biggest heartbreak in your life won’t come from a romantic relationship. It’ll come from a friendship you thought was forever.
As a life and relationship coach, I can tell you straight: people don’t talk enough about how deep, how painful, and how confusing friendship breakups can be. We expect to see red flags in dating — we watch for them — but in friendships? We excuse, minimize, or ignore them, sometimes for years, because we tell ourselves, “But they’re my day one. They’ve been there for me. We’ve been through so much.”
But let me be honest with you, baby: history does not excuse harm. Loyalty doesn’t justify disrespect. And just because you love someone like a sister, doesn’t mean you have to carry the weight of a one-sided, draining, or toxic connection.
Red flags in friendship can look like:
💥 They only reach out when they need something.
💥 They gossip about you “playfully” but cut deep.
💥 They can’t celebrate your wins without making it about them.
💥 They compete with you under the disguise of support.
💥 They disappear when you’re struggling but expect you to be on call for them.
And here’s the hardest truth: letting go of a friendship like that will feel like a death. It will feel like grief. It will feel like failure. But sometimes, love has to happen from a distance — or not at all — for you to stay whole.
You have free will, love. You can stay. You can address it. You can give grace. But you also have the right to walk away. And let me tell you, as someone who’s coached people through this: no one else can make that decision for you. People will point out the red flags, but if you’re not ready to see them, you will defend that friendship to your own exhaustion.
I’ve watched people hold on, saying, “But we’ve been friends since we were kids.”
But here’s what I tell them gently: “How long you’ve known someone is not the same as how well they’re walking with you now.”
So what do you do when you see the red flags?
First, check in with yourself. Are you avoiding the hard conversation because you’re scared to lose them? Are you tolerating bad behavior because you don’t want to be alone? Are you over-giving and over-extending because you think that’s what a “real friend” does?
Second, have the conversation — or make the clean break. You can’t control their reaction. You can only stand on what you know to be true: this is not healthy for me anymore. Speak up, set the boundary, name the line, or quietly release — but stop telling yourself it’s love when it’s really erosion.
And finally, stand on business. If you draw the line, baby, hold it. People will test you. They will gaslight you. They will recruit others to guilt you. But here’s the thing: you don’t owe anyone your peace, your access, or your emotional labor just because they once knew a version of you. You have the right to grow. You have the right to protect your energy. And you have the right to choose relationships — romantic or platonic — that feel mutual, honoring, and whole.
Tonight, I want you to sit with this: Where am I making excuses for friendship red flags? What part of me is scared to let go? What could open up in my life if I stopped forcing connections that have already run their course?
Because the real flex isn’t how many friends you keep.
The real flex is knowing how to walk away from what’s draining you — with love, with grace, but without apology.
✍🏽 Journal Prompt
Where am I holding onto a friendship that no longer feels mutual, loving, or safe? What am I afraid will happen if I let go? How would it feel to release it, not in anger, but in peace — and make space for relationships that truly nourish me?
💛 Affirmation
I am allowed to release what no longer serves me. I can love someone and still choose distance. I trust myself to create space for relationships that honor who I am and who I am becoming.
With fierce compassion + hard-earned wisdom,
Coach G
@ProvokeChange
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