Dear Chiiiile, Please —
So… I’ve been struggling with something that’s been eating me up inside. I made the decision to distance myself from my mother. Our relationship has always been rocky — emotionally manipulative, guilt-trippy, toxic even. I always leave our conversations feeling drained or less than. I love her, but being around her breaks me.I’ve set boundaries before, but she either ignores them or twists them into me “being disrespectful.” Lately, I’ve been going low contact, and part of me feels free… but another part of me feels like the worst daughter in the world.
Am I wrong for walking away from my own mama?
— Tired & Torn
🙅🏾♀️ Chiiiile, Please…
First of all:
Baby, you are not wrong. You’re just finally choosing YOU.
Let’s be real — just because someone gave birth to you doesn’t mean they get to break you. And just because they raised you, don’t mean they get to rule you.
There is this heavy, unspoken pressure in our culture — especially for Black and brown women — to endure family instead of heal from it. We’re taught to swallow disrespect, call it “just how she is,” and suffer in silence while smiling through it all at Sunday dinner.
Well, guess what?
Being related by blood doesn’t give anyone a license to bleed you dry.
Let’s go ahead and cancel that “honor thy parent” guilt trip if what they’re asking you to honor is abuse, emotional neglect, or manipulation. You can love someone deeply and still recognize they are not safe for your spirit.
✨ The Empowerment Moment
Here’s what I want you to know:
You didn’t walk away from your mother — you walked toward yourself.
What you did takes courage. It takes nerve. It takes a level of healing that some people in your family tree may never reach. And that’s okay. Your job is not to fix people who won’t face themselves.
Boundaries are not walls — they are doors. And sometimes you need to close that door to protect your peace, protect your future, protect the version of you that’s finally coming up for air after years of emotional suffocation.
So no — you’re not a bad daughter. You’re just someone who decided to break a cycle, instead of being broken by one.
🪞 The Mirror — For the Reader:
Have you ever been made to feel guilty for choosing your mental and emotional well-being over family loyalty?
Maybe your “mama” is your dad, your auntie, your cousin, or that sibling you keep covering for. Whoever it is, you are allowed to love people from a distance when proximity becomes a poison.
✍🏾 Journal Prompts:
- What would I tell my inner child if she was asking for permission to walk away from pain?
- What parts of me come alive when I’m not performing for love or tiptoeing around someone else’s dysfunction?
- What does freedom feel like in my body — and who disrupts that peace?
🙏🏾 A Prayer for the Ones Who Are Letting Go:
God, give me the strength to choose peace over guilt.
Give me permission to protect what You’re healing in me, even if it upsets the people I was told to never disappoint.
Let me walk in truth, not obligation.
Remind me that choosing wholeness is not rebellion — it’s obedience.
And for the mothers who couldn’t show up whole, I release the fantasy and accept the reality.
I forgive, I grow, I go — in love.
Amen.
🎙️ Ready for the Podcast?
On this episode of Talk and Toast: The Podcast, we’re talking:
- Generational guilt traps
- Why boundaries with mama can feel like betrayal
- What healing actually looks like (hint: it’s messy but worth it)
You don’t wanna miss this conversation.
Thursdays at 8pm on Spotify, Heart Radio, Apple
💌 Want to write in?
Got something on your chest? Need an uncut, unfiltered word from the Chiiiile, Please crew?
Write me a letter (anonymous or not) and let’s get into it. We heal out loud over here. Send letters to coachchanelg@echoesofherheart.com
Chiiiile, Please! 
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