Welp here I am changing some things around to set my finances in a better position and I come back here to have my post missing from end of January up to now. Talk about not a happy woman. Those post truly meant something to my blog and the movement forward of it. I wasn’t expecting to lose any of my post transitioning my plan. This came as a shocker and threw my original post for a loop, but there are lessons in everything. +
Sometimes what you plan is not what you were suppose to do and it threw a monkey wrench in God’s plan. So I just have to eat the consequences of the transition. While speaking of God’s Plan and transitioning; I have had a rough 3 days. My best friend, my sister, my roll dog of 30 years transition to be with the Father. We made plans to meet up and planning a girls trip, but God had other plans. It was no way I could have prepared for the gut punch, the broken heart and wave of emotions that I felt in that moment. I was angry for a moment and then felt a rush of peace wash over me because she was no longer suffering. My sister had her set of struggles, level of depression, and then later found out that her heart was operating at 25% capacity. It it the emptiest, heaviest feeling I have ever had in my life, but freeing now that she is with the Father.
30 years of friendship was marked with memories, laughter, arguments, forgiveness, love, worry, tough conversations, and more. I have struggled to see how my life goes on without my best friend. I have cried myself to sleep. I have not a full nights rest in fear of seeing her face in my sleep. I have jump out of sleep in pain with chest hurting which makes me wonder if that was how she was feeling as she transitioned.
There are never enough words to ever express the feeling of losing an integral part of my life. My sister circle has been broken. My other best friend and I have been leaning on each other to support our stages of grieving. 3 days of highs and lows and coming to terms with this grief. Crazy enough as I am dealing with this grief, this is the same month my brother passed 2 years ago. What a month of grief that I am working through.
Here is what I have learned; allow yourself to feel, to cry, to laugh, to reminisce. That the grief you bottle up will only come back greater and possibly harder to deal with. Come to understand that while it may hurt like hell, God doesn’t make any mistakes. I will always have my memories with my sister. She is now my guardian angel, my heavenly protector. I couldn’t ask for a better angel to be watching
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